As a geeky StarCraft II fan boy, I thought I’d give it a try to thrum my own little StarCraft song. This idea is not exactly new, there are quite a number of StarCraft songs around. Some of these songs are pure awesomeness, some of them make me wonder if they are disturbingly meant serious or not. In any case, StarCraft songs are en vogue and a nice prove of creativity amongst nerdy gamers.

My “contribution” is about playing lame which, unfortunately, is very true in my case. My friends and me are stuck in Bronze League since a couple of seasons and we dont get the time to practice ourselfs out of it. We tried pretty much all strategies that we could think of, optimized our build orders, practised our micro game play, etc. but nothing lifted us out of Bronze in 1 on 1. Maybe we should have tried cheesing or an academic/computer science approach.
Still, it’s a lot of fun, especially if you better understand why you play like a three year old female baboon. And this is what the song is about (playing badly, not the baboon):

That’s Why We Are In Bronze League.mp3

I figure the lyrics are quite difficult to understand so that I post them here as well.


The game begins, 2v2, GL & HF
me the usual Protoss hoping this time I wont’t suck
minute 1, I build a Drone
scouting the great unknown
minute 3, out of the haze
Zergs rush into my base.

My Zealot’s not yet done
couple Drones already gone
the Zergs continue straightway
chowing on my single Gateway
Why is my partner not in sight?!
Outraged I am to see,
no reinforcements far and wide
he’s AFK to pee.

That’s why we are in Bronze League
The losers meet & greet
We suffer sleep terror disorder
nightmares of bad Protoss build order
Cheesed a thousand times, canon rushed battle fatigue
I’ll be stuck forever in Bronze League

I miraculously fought them off with Drones going beserk
hysterically chronoboosting units while the Zerg
expands to second base and spreads Creep like diarrhea
there is no doubt this guy must be a pro from South Korea

When turteling, I tend to lock me out
I keep losing drones, whenever I scout

That’s why we are in Bronze League
at the very lower end
our micro sucks, as does the macro
when will we ever understand
We’ll be sufficiently nerdy
by the time when we turn thirty
to not get supply blocked all of the time

But the day will come when I avange
the abasement with sweet revent
Zerg barbeque, Void Rays will grill
Baneling Brochette – fire at will
As side dish served Nydus Worm cake
that goes well with Queen t-bone steak
and in the end with mother wit
I’m calling in the Mother Ship

Wishful thinking – I keep playing low and weak
I guess I am right in Bronze League

Categories: Dies Und Das

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